MITCH MITTENS is Scared Leafless with “TROLL 2(1990)!”

MMReviewsDear CInsomniacs and Sleepless Knights, I apologize for the late edition of this review. I have been here with the shades drawn down and my leaves falling one by one since watching this movie last night. This week Sleepless Knight PAUL ALLEN requested I take a peek at what critics call “The Worst Film Ever Made” TROLL 2(1990) and let me tell you…..it may be misunderstood to humans but for plants it is SHOCKING! 

Troll_2_posterImagine if you will (if you have not seen this film) a PRINCESS BRIDE opening with a grandfather telling his grandson a fairy tale. Only this fairy tale did not contain ANDRE THE GIANT, a revengeful Spaniard, or an “inconceivable” epic true love story. Instead, we witness the tale of a group of Goblins who trick a young traveler through a mirage of a beautiful woman to feast upon this gross green slime. All of a sudden the traveler begins to sweat green blood and turned into a gooey plant like substance that the Goblins feasted upon. I shivered at the mere sight! If you were a plant being consumed by a group of Goblins you’d understand. At least the child, Joshua, understood.

Anyways, we find out the grandfather telling the son this creepy tale had passed away not long before this, making us wonder if the kid is crazy or the whole tale was a memory. Joshua’s family, the Waits, decide it would be best for the family to move out into the little town of NEILBOG (Goblin spelled backward) in order to get a way and try their hand at farming. An extension to the storyline involved the Wait’s daughter Holly who was dealing with issues with her boyfriend Elliot spending too much time with his friends and not enough with her. When the Waits leave for NEILBOG, Elliot and his friends Brent, Arnold, and Drew follow them to the town to find “loose women.”

my-face-after-troll-2Fast forward later into the movie, the ghost of Joshua’s grandfather attempts to warn Joshua to prevent his family to be tricked by the Goblins by eating the poisoned food in order to feed the monstrous townspeople. Much like many characters in classic horror film cliches, writers make the children seem crazy when in all reality they are the ones that are the true “heroes.” And like other films, the family taunts Joshua and doesn’t listen until the grandfather’s ghost manifests and lights one of the Goblins, in disguise as a preacher, on fire to reveal its true form. This sends the family in a frenzy to protect themselves and find a way to save themselves.

Elliot and his friends remained on another side of the town in their trailer, wondering where are the women are. One of the friends, Arnold, bumps into a wounded woman in the woods running away from the goblins. Needless to say the Goblins catch up to them both and Arnold takes gets wounded by a spear. The scene above, sums up the demise of Arnold and the woman.Troll_03207d_3008007Now the dialogue delivery in this whole film is on the verge of being extremely hard to pay attention too with a side of wondering how these actors got into this film. The actress playing the families daughter, Holly, tops the worst of them all next to the father. The grandfather follows and the mother is the final. The only believable character acting wise was Joshua. The effects, though, were very good except in the popcorn seduction scene…..you’ll have to watch the movie.

Will the Goblins win? What happened to the Waits? You’ll have to watch the movie to find out. In misunderstood terms, I give this film about 7 1/2 out of 10 Hypnotic Eyes. The effects make it slightly more understood than misunderstood but the acting, storyline, and this creepy woman here…..makes this film a doozy.imagesHave any more Cinsomniacs or Sleepless Knights tuned into this film? If so, what are your thoughts on it? Do you agree with the rating? Leave your comments or private massage and let us know! If you have a suggestion of another film for MITCH MITTENS to review, leave it in the comments. Thank you for “tuning in” and come back next week for another MITCH MITTENS REVIEWS!

                                                                                       –Mitch Mittens

 

 

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