Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you so very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for not electing Mr. Lobo your president. I would have been a terrible president. I’m not competent and was never interested.
I have just called the President-Contest-Winner to congratulate him or her on this victory and to the other much whiter person-whom I understand also wanted the job and got a lot of votes also. Good for them! Their supporters, marketing strategists, make-up artists, spin-doctors, concubines, mudslingers and armed goons of their respective campaigns also deserve congratulations.
Mr. Lobo wishes all of them well, but particularly the president, the first lady, the second lady, Man-At-Arms, Princess Jasmine, Count Chocula, The Star Chamber, and Ambassador Phantom of Krankor.
This is a time of great challenges for Mr. Lobo and Americas problems would just get in the way. Iâ€™m so lucky that the president or whatever shadow governments that may or may not exist will be guiding our nation and not me.
I want to thank Paul Ryan for all that he has done for Mr. Loboâ€™s campaign NOT to become president. Whatever you did–or didnâ€™t do–worked.
Besides my wife, Dixie, Paul did the most to keep non-presidents like myself out of the White House. And I trust that his intellect and his hard work will keep many more non-presidents from not being elected.
I also want to thank Dixie, the love of Mr. Loboâ€™s life.
She would have been a terrible First Ladyâ€¦She is a night person, a late riser, and a procrastinator, it takes her a long time to get ready and sheâ€™s never first anywhereâ€¦except in Mr. Loboâ€™s heart.
Like . She’s – she has been like a den mother to Man-Babies everywhere and especially this Man-Baby and to our family and to the many mouth breathing fans at shows that she has touched with her charm and her care.
I thank my son for not voting for me, and thank my daughter for not being old enough to vote for me, and understanding how hard it is to avoid honest work.
I want to thank Aaron Lane for suggesting a give I concession speech. Now that Iâ€™m halfway through itâ€”it does seem pretty funnyâ€”topical at least.
Whew, That would have been an awfully hard job. Just thinking about it gives Mr. Lobo a headache. That much responsibility would take extraordinary effort and focus and would not just hurt Mr. Lobo, but also the country that many of us love.
And to you here tonight, and to the CInsomniacs across the country – the Monster Kids, the Kickstarters, the AV geeks, the Horror Hosts, the children of Creature Features, the slumber partiers, the fan boys, the dorks, the freaks, and even the Man-Babies – I don’t believe that there’s ever been a lack of effort in our party that can compare with what you have shown over these past years. Thank you so very much.
Thanks for all the hours of snacking and slacking, for the meaningless texts, for the Star Wars rants and hoarding, for the movie nights and for the afternoon naps. You gave nothing of yourselves and performed miserably. And you bored us and you annoyed us and inspired Mr. Lobo to settle for less. You’ve kept me out of the oval office and I intend to stay out.
The nation, as you know, is at a critical point. At a time like this, we can’t risk electing a movie host to do a manâ€™s job.
And we CInsomniacs also have to drum to a different beater. We look to Misunderstood Movies to inspire our children with a passion for the Beyondo.
We look to artists and wise-crackers of all kinds to challenge our society to be more honest and hopefully nicer.
We look to our parents, to lend us money to help us perpetuate our selfish hoaxes.
We look to fun makers of all kinds. We’re counting on you to heal our spirits.
And we look to Democrats and Republicans to do whatever they do.
Mr. Lobo would have likely been deemed too brown to rule an America that includes the lone star state and thanks all Texans for not wanting me as their President. As for Texas seceding from the union. All the lines on the map and governments were made up anyway and are subject to change. Japan, Portugal, and England controlled most of the known world once upon a time and are now tiny strips of country bacon. I do not want to be responsible for Americaâ€™s shrinkage. Weâ€™ll miss you Texasâ€”but Mr. Lobo does ship his DVDs, 8×10â€™s, and other merchandise internationally.
And I ran from office because I’m concerned about America. This election is over, but our fears endure. Mr. Lobo believes that he is destined for something bigger and better.
Like so many of you, Dixie and I have left everything all over the house, in the yard, and in the driveway. We have given our all to October and Halloween and New Cinema Insomnia episodes and have nothing left for running the nation. Sorry.
I so wish – I so wish that I had thought of something good for the ending of this concession speech. I think Iâ€™ve mined all of the humor possible from this. And wasted more time that could have been put towards providing entertainment for the CInsomniacs out there. To those CInsomniacs who actually voted for me, know that Mr. Lobo would lead the country in the wrong direction. The nation chose another leader and the nation and their new leader are smarter than the rest of you. Deal with it. We’ve got bad taste and upside down priorities–that’s why we do what we do. And so Dixie and I will probably watch some more ZOM-BEE TV on our ROKU and maybe have some root beer floats from the concession counter.
Thank you, and God bless Insomnia. You guys are the best. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks, guys.